He could see the outline of fingers. He called out her name in a tight whisper. ‘Joanna?’ She stirred but didn’t wake up. ‘Jo?’ he said a bit louder. Her eyes fluttered open. For a minute she was unsure where she was. ‘How long was I asleep?’ she muttered. Then looking up into Paul’s face she said more clearly, ‘Oh Hi Honey, you’re home. What time is it? Do you need lunch?’ ‘What happened to your wrist?’ he asked. He watched the emotions play on her face. Confusion. Embarrassment. Joanna wasn’t sure what to do. She had never let him see the marks he left. She never told him about what he did. Part of her was trying to protect him. She knew how he felt about men who abused their spouses, and despite their lack of a marriage certificate she was no less his wife. But, also, she was trying to protect herself. Because she knew that she couldn’t face it if in fact he did know what he’d been doing and simply didn’t care. ‘Oh that? Oh don’t worry about it, I’m fine. Come on, how about a ham. Unable to resist any longer I lapped at her pussy, slowly parting her with my tongue as her body tensed, jerking away from me slightly as if the pleasure was so intense as to border on pain but I gripped her by the thigh and licked, determined to bring her to climax and so pacify my own overpowering need to serve a woman. I let the head tease between her labia, rolling it over her rim while lapping and tugging at her clitoris. Was this betrayal of the memory of my Cordelia? I never thought I would experience these pleasures with another. I was certain I had damned myself to eternal torment for the woman I loved but this? Was I so unregenerate as to repeat my sins without the justification of love, urged forward solely by animal passions, by lust? In the heat of desire these questions are academic. We were virtuous nuns solely in order to be unvirtuous. We were abstemious in order to be self-indulgent. We were parsimonious in order to be prodigal. We were chaste in order to be.
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